The Old Woman’s Husband

There once was a man who lived in a shoe,
He once tried to sell but the offer fell through.
When wintertime came he would tie up the laces,
They didn’t have windows like most other places.

Redwings are best, Timbs are okay
His wife wanted Walmart brand what could he say?
They had enough saved up to buy the whole pair,
She wouldn’t agree “It’s alright we can share!”

Last week he tried to buy them a new bed,
But she wanted Doctor Scholl’s Inserts instead.
“What’s wrong with carpet inside of this boot?”
“Don’t ask me dumb questions, you silly old coot!”

Sighing he went over to the dive bar,
Drank by himself and then got in the car.
Tried to park neatly and get into bed,
But wedged the car neatly inside of the tread.

“O hep me, o hep me, I’m stuck under here,
Why did I have to go drink all that beer?”
The little old lady who lived in the shoe
Just laughed at him crying “What did you do?”

“I’m wedged in the sole of our Walmart brand home,
Please stop that laughing at me like a crone!”
“What did you call me, oh ye with no hair?
Keep talking like that and I’ll leave you in there!”

The man was about at the end of his wit,
Wanting to call her a silly old twit.
Restraining himself as best as he could,
He did what any man probably would.

“Honey I’m sorry for causing this mess,
Please don’t let this cause you to care any less.
Whatever you want, whatever you need,
I’ll make sure you get it, oh yes indeed!”

The little old lady who lived in the shoe
Knew just what her mother would want her to do.
“Stay there and rot underneath of our hovel,
I’m off to go get lots of dirt and a shovel.”

She worked through the day and worked though the night,
And buried him there knowing that she was right.
“Men are a useless and moronic breed,
I’ll call Mother Goose the next time I’m in need.”


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