Resumé Bullet Points for the Great Unwashed I

– Directs others well (holds the stop/go sign during construction)
– Achieves absolute uniformity during operations (mows the grass)
– Connects patients with specialists (sells tobacco)
– Cool under pressure (scrapes barnacles off freighters)
– Public relations expert (guy at Verizon kiosk)
– Team player (goes to the YMCA twice a week for hoops)
– Synergistic approach (puts hot dog bits in spaghetti)
– Efficient waste manager (holds it as long as possible at the bar)
– Pursues opportunity daily (process server)
– Community outreach experience (hangs menus on doorknobs)
– High standards (always smoking pot)
– Able to navigate complex waterways (Roto-Rooter guy)
– Great persective (shoe salesman at Macy’s)
– Prolific integration provider (father of 30)
– Creates lifelike reproductions (mother of 20)
– Safety conscious (carries a condom in his wallet)
– Outstanding problem solving skills (got an ‘A’ in 4th grade Mathematics)
– Follows procedure (uses up escalator to go up, and vice versa)
– Food distribution experience (pizza guy)
– Available to work 7 days a week (unemployed)
– Maintains assigned post non-stop (too lazy to move)
– Follows established schedule well (spent 15 years in jail)
– Financial wizard (has over 4 million gold pieces in an MMORPG)
– Sets goals (installs PVC structures for soccer and football)
– High moral standards (crazy bastard from Westboro Baptist Church)

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