The Art of the Irish II

There once was a plumber named Dave
Whose crack was the size of a cave
He used it for tools
When working on pools
But sank and is now in a grave.

There once was a girl named Jill
Who threw her man Jack down a hill
They’d been on a date
For which he’d been late
And the cheapass made her pay the bill.

A long time ago in the city
The horses went clop and a’clippity
But all around town
People started to frown
Since horse droppings aren’t so pretty.

From Monday to Friday each week
He took the train up to the peak.
The Coors he was making
Was not so great tasting
And made all the guys take a leak.

There was this one guy who had junk
The size of an elephant’s trunk
He had trouble walking
When ladies were talking
And passing through doors made a “thunk”.

There once was a big slab of bacon
The butcher saw nobody takin’
He fried it all up
Put out a tip cup
Now two bits a strip he was makin’.

One day I was out by the street
When stumbled by ol’ Pistol Pete
Not sure what he’s thinkin’
No doubt he’d been drinkin’
Just wearing a dirty old sheet.

I dreamt of some wondrous adventures
Alas I’d forgotten my dentures
But not all was lost
I marshalled my thoughts
And “poof” I had conjured suspenders.

An old man who lived by the sea
Had passed on his wisdom to me
From fish make a livin’
But steer clear of women
That bitch left and took every penny!

Yesterday I saw a preacher
Who said he had once been a teacher
I asked him about
What made him devout
“I’m Batman, so pleased to meetcha!”



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