Race #2

Off like a shot
Forehead feeling hot
Sprinting out the door
To the nearest lidded pot.

Gotta get there quick
Damn these floors are slick
Wax on wax off wax on not off
That janitor’s such a d___!

Running down the hall
A mystery to all
Don’t they know what is at stake
By how I grip my balls?

Finally the door is near
I see the sign says “MEN” from here
Barely slowing for the turn
My heart is gripped with fear

As I finally get inside
Already have unzipped my fly
Drop the drawers around my feet
Safely seated I can sigh

I do the dirty deed
I think I also peed
When I’m done I look around
For that which I now need

I find the end and pull
Assuming it is full
I get two squares before I find
Just cardboard on the roll

Now what do I do?
The same as you would too
I bunny hopped around the stall
To get paper for my poo

Aha there is a brand new spool
1000 yards that chafes like wool
Whatever just as long as it
Makes everything cool.

Finally the nightmare’s done
No more need to scuff and run
And then I see for the first time
My boss’s eldest son.

Apparently he’d seen it all
At first was hidden by a wall
Where he’d been in Race #1
Just standing by the urinal

He looked at me and shook his head
So badly wishing I were dead
I stood there frozen on my feet
My face turned brightest red

He laughed and smiled with boundless mirth
Shaking his protruding girth
“I did the same thing yesterday,
It felt like I was giving birth!”

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