Dippety Doo was not a smart man
But that’s why nobody knows him as Dan
He never goes anywhere without a plan
Parking space, budget, and map to the can.
One night at Bingo he happened to listen
The zoo was having discounted admission
“Oh boy” he thought, I can hear snakes a’hissin’
And watch as the monkeys throw poop at children.
So the next day our friend Dippity Doo
Got on his Big Wheel and rode to the zoo.
Where tickets were sold they had gift items too,
He couldn’t resist buying elephant shoes.
Slippers would really describe them much better
But sometimes the best word had too many letters
He put them on inside the visitor’s center
Alarming some Jehovah’s Witnesses in there.
The first big exhibit was an enormous cat
Dan wondered aloud “where’s the litter box at?”
The woman behind him had answers to that
“It’s inside the zookeeper’s magical hat”
Now this was important to see for himself,
It’s not something that could be kept on a shelf.
The cats couldn’t back their butts up enough
To drop what they drop in a hat made of felt.
Finding a door saying employees only
He slipped on in makin’ moves just like Kobe
First he went left and bypassed the warning
And came face to face with a tiger called Tony.
Now Tony of course endorses sugar flake cereal
Cartoon cats are never drawn quite so feral
Dippity Doo thought “Hey let’s make a deal”
While the cat sized him up for his next meal.
He offered up both his new elephant shoes
The Chinese-made slippers lasted only two chews.
That’s when he thought he was going to lose
His life over where the damn cat hangs out when he poos.
But before you think Dan will become Fancy Feast,
Remember which part of him functioned the least.
By looking directly in the eyes of the beast,
Wetting his pants til his bladder had ceased
He missed out on details that would have been interrupting
The embarrassing stain from what his knee was dripping.
The tiger was chained to a large steel ring
And between them a steel cage with electrical zing.
Since he hadn’t seen any part or parcel of this
He went on and let out some more frightened piss.
His dampened pants touched the steel bars with a hiss
And backwards he flew through the air with a swish.
Hitting the wall with the top of his head
Would render an average Joe dead.
But Dippity Doo was one step ahead,
His brain was contructed from skull-covered lead.
The zookeeper ran in asking “What did you do?”
Dan shook his head and said “That’s my elephant shoe”
The zookeeper asked “Did you think this all through?”
“Speak for yourself, sir, your hat’s full of poo.”