A Few Fellas Feeling Fine

Hey what about that one thing in the place?
Yeah, I remember that like it was yesterday.
It was yesterday.
Where was it?
You know, the big brick building on the other street.
Oh right, at what’s-it-called.
Who all was there?
It was me and three of the guys?
Well, there was what’s-his-name, the tall guy, and the weasel-lookin’ guy that’s always with that dame.
What dame? 
I dunno, cute blonde number, wears black all the time.
So what happened?
Well we got to the place, and the one guy gets us in by slipping a C-note to the guy at the door.
Yeah, I know that guy, we’re like brothers.  What’s his name?
I forget.  So’s we get inside, and there’s girls everywhere.
Was what’s-her-name there?
Who, the blonde that wears black?
No, the blonde with the really blonde hair.
Oh, yeah, no she wasn’t but her sister was.
She has a sister?
Yeah, maybe, I dunno, you expect me to keep track of the girls you like?
Well you already have that brunette that likes to get plastered, what was her name?
Never you mind, starts with a C.  Or a K.  I forget.
So it’s my turn to get to know the next one you forget.
That’s not how I remember it.
Well you were doing tequila shots with that one guy in the coat and the other guy.
Was I?  Well that fills in a few blanks.  Where was the tall guy?
Dunno, I’m too short to see him over anybody.
What happened to your platform shoes?
Left ’em in Staten Island.
Oh, right, at that guy’s house with the huge deck.
There weren’t no deck there.
Well then what was I sitting on?
Oh, man, you got cleaned out by that guy?
No idea, but I had no trouble taking a dump the next day.
Oy.  When are you gonna introduce me to that cute number down at the place?
Which one?
Christ, any one.  You always promise and then we get to the joint and everyone knows you except not by name, and then the tequila starts and you don’t know the dude from the little guy.
Which little guy?
The one that does an upper body workout before he comes out to party.  Tight t-shirt, gold chain.
I saw four guys like that.
Of course you did, you were 9 shots in.
Oh, right.  Was the crazy guy there too?
The one with the face tattooed on his ass?
No, the one with the ass tattooed on his face.  Who do you think?
Well, there’s that one guy with thing thing right there.
Right where?
Oh, him.  He doesn’t have that thing anymore.  Somebody stole it, along with bits of nose, ear, and nipple.
Ouch.  Not cool.  Man, if anybody did that to me…
Did what?  Pull out your fake nipple ring that you only wear at the other place?
Dude, who told you it was fake?
The guy behind the counter that sold it to yous.
…oh.  Right.  Him.
Yeah, I was standing right there.  You kept scratchin’ yourself.
I what?
Your balls.  They were itchy or you were wearing a burlap thong.
Oh, right, I caught the little crab things from what’s her name down on 5th street.
The one with the plastic pants?
Naw, she overcharges, I’m talkin’ about the older one.
Hah!  She’s 27, uses meth like I breathe.  No wonder.
Well I got the shampoo kit, got rid of them.
Speaking of, did you borrow my comb when you was over?
Naw, man, the shampoo had one stuck to it.
Good.  I was gonna have to thump yas.
Hey, why’s my ass wet?
What?  Hey, mine is too!
Oh man, we’re at the bottom of piss alley.
How did we get here?
I think we moonwalked, the skinny dude had the goods.
Let’s get back in that place, use the hand dryer on our asses, and tip the cologne guy in the john so we can smell like John Wayne. 
Man, we sat in piss, how are we going to smell like John Wayne?
Well he never got off his horse for a bathroom break, did he?  That’s why chaps don’t cover the crotch, air dry and all.
Nevermind, I want another shot.
Of tequila?
No, another shot at what’s-her-name’s sister?
Is she here?
Dunno.  If not I’ll find someone else’s sister.
Good plan.  I’ll be by the thing with the lights.
Ok, cool, I’ll find you if I can’t score with somebody’s sister.
Ok, see you in ten.
Right on.


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