It is all too easy to resent someone’s life with a person who cared about you but in the end chose not to give you a chance. “That could have been me.” Well, it’s not. More than likely there are many people you care for deeply that just don’t have any room for you in their life, and you are entitled to feel a certain way about that.
It is much more satisfying to know that you were a part of someone’s life and had an impact, however small, on the person they turned out to be. Take pride that you expended your precious emotions on someone who deserved it. Find joy in what they have accomplished, and realize that wishing that you had your way means wishing away children, family, friends, accomplishments, and contributions to the world that grew out of the path they chose.
You won’t always get what you want, but sometimes your wants will play second fiddle to someone else’s needs, and that is, in the end, how it should be. You may be little more than a memory most of the time, but you helped in the planning stages of what they have become. Your caring was not wasted or ignored.
Some of us are destined to be influences rather than participants, but if you leave your wants and desires out of the picture you will see that you have played a part in so many special things. Gravity pulls at us all, but just enough to keep us grounded. The wind blows not out of spite, but to balance out turbulence. These are honorable roles to play in anyone’s life and are every bit as important to your development as they are to those whom you influence.
Someday, it may be your turn, or my turn, to have someone influence you, as many others have done before, and their influence may guide you to your own happiness, your own family, a love that is returned ten-fold; but perhaps not today. Perhaps not at all. But in no way have you failed. No achievement is greater than being a part of the achievements of others, no victory more important than the defeat of another’s fears and doubts.
My only real goal in life is, and always has been, to have a wife and children to whom I can give all of my love. Perhaps the reason this endless love goes to others is simply that they need it, and somewhere someone recognizes that I will never run out and has found a better use for me than what I planned for myself. Love, real love, is not something you point in one direction. It is something that radiates from your very pores in every direction. While you may feel love intensely focused on someone, your love burns that much brighter in every direction. Find peace in the role you play, the lives you change, and the hearts you touch. 🙂