It is so common to overhear a woman say “why can’t I meet a nice guy?” while she is pretending I don’t exist. I felt it was about time someone laid out some fundamental knowledge about men so women can stop making poor choices in their love life. So here are some useful facts, not in any particular order, to help correct some misconceptions and fantasies.
A bad boy is a bad boy. If he is good to you it is because he knows being himself won’t get him very far. Eventually he will forget his plan momentarily and disappoint you or hurt you and it will be his first natural act of your relationship outside of the bedroom.
Muscles don’t make a man anything more than muscular. Maybe it looks nice, but if you pay attention there are many millions of guys whose neck no longer fits in their shirt collar who were athletes when younger.
Being a real man has nothing to do with looks, strength, willingness to get dirty, career, health, fitness, or anything else you can see from the outside regardless of how attractive those qualities are. This in no way implies that real men don’t possess some of these traits, but none are actually required.
A real man cares what goes on in your heart, cries with you, is patient and understanding even when you aren’t, puts your needs first, and cares for you like the love of his life before he knows he is in love. He can finish your sentences but waits for you to find the words. He cares about what you care about instinctively, not as an escape route from the doghouse. He knows just what to say or do to bring a smile to your face because he always wants you to be happy, not to get you to be quiet.
Men aren’t going to remember everything you want them to. Instead of making an issue, remind them. Leave a note. Keep a calendar on the fridge. Every time you lose patience with him, he loses a lot more.
Don’t complain about the mess. Men don’t change their spots, but you can train them to do simple things if you are persistent and insistent but never angry. Yelling at a man doesn’t teach him anything but how to turn off his ears.
Tell him what’s bothering you before it really bothers you. Most men cannot read minds, and women-folk are famous for holding it in until they explode.
Communication is essential. That doesn’t mean a phone call every few hours or long walks in the park, it means sharing ideas with substance that are important to your relationship instead of making small talk. If he doesn’t want to hear it, he’s not for you.
Life is not like an Adam Sandler movie, where a guy is an ass through the whole film and at the end undergoes a transformation and all is forgiven and he is never an ass again. Don’t keep giving second chances that are actually tenth, twentieth, or hundreth chances.
A healthy relationship is at least 95% argument free. If half your relationship is great and half is him smacking you around, arguing, fighting, anger, spite, and silence then clearly the good times are not worth what comes in between.
Men who will mistreat you are usually the ones with the clever lines up front and confidence leaking from their pores. It comes from practicing on other women just like you. If a man really has his breath taken away he will be a little nervous, a bit awkard, and smile uncontrollably while you are around. That is the man for you. Someone who is excited because you are there, and everything else is icing on the cake. Someone who, on a fundamental level, is drawn to who you are right then, not who he thinks he can make you.
Bottom line is that a man who is good for you will lose a little light in his eyes when you walk out the door rather than tell his buddies what you did in bed last night.
There is a reason the divorce rate in America is over 50%, and the reason is simple. Both men and women will choose a partner based on trivial, shallow perceptions instead of the fundamental characteristics that give rise to everything about a person.
Choose wisely, and it will be the last time you need to decide whether a man is good for you or not.
The perpetually nice guy you never knew was there.